Edict 5

By the power herein vested in me by myself, I do now reimpose an edict issued by my predecessor in 1869:

Being desirous of allaying the dissensions of party strife now existing within our realm, I do hereby dissolve and abolish the Democratic and Republican parties, and also do hereby decree the disfranchisement and imprisonment, for not more than 10, nor less than five, years, to all persons leading to any violation of this our imperial decree.

Edict 4

It has come to the attention of the Supreme Authorities that excessive quantities of the public's hard-earned income is wasted on the salaries of a select few who, while receiving said money for supposedly guiding this great nation, instead devote their time to undercutting one another or otherwise stalling any decision-making process. Whether this is incompetence or overwhelming self-obsession is irrelevant; these people are seen, in the government's eyes, as stealing from the public.
THEREFORE
Until a more effective body is established, I, Emperor Devon I, do hereby abolish and disband the institution of Congress, both on a Federal and State level.

Edict 3

I do hereby decree that it shall be the policy of these US to re-route, for education, a percentage of or exceeding 75% from the following expenses:
The Military
The Secret Service
The Civil Service

Edict 2 Addendum

It shall also be a fineable offense to utter the following phrases:
Cali (Cally)
The OC
San Fran
Brah